I was walking home about an hour ago, I had been walking for 2 hours and was very close to my house. I was more paranoid about walking at night than usual. I decided to bring a knife.

I wasn't used to it, it had been months since I've done a night stroll. I would constantly look behind myself and freak myself out when my dumb imagination would make a tree or a mail box look like deformed melted people. I saw a few skunks, they would come out of no where and startle me.

I was really close to my house. I had been walking down a long road when I had one of those paranoid look behind yourself feelings, so I look back.

I see this german shepard looking dog about 200 feet away, walking down the sidewalk towards me. I started walking faster, and it continued to stalk me for another 15 seconds. It was about 100 feet away at this point, I could tell from the street light that was nearby that it was a coyote.

At this point I couldn't risk this wile e coyote mother fucker using any anvils or acme rockets. So I stop walking and turn around to face the coyote. With knife in hand I put my arms out wide and tried to look as big as possible and said "what u goin' do faggot!"

The coyote ran off very quickly, because he was a faggot.

Feeling tough as shit, I turn around to continue walking home and-

HISSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!

This Pepe La Pew son of a bitch skunk is 2 feet from me making the nastiest noises. It's hisses and growls sounded like it was brewing hot chunky diarrhea in it's mouth. I avoided getting sprayed and briskly walked home.

I'm sick of these looney toon assholes.